Action Cast 98: This Taco Can't Be Bargained With

Posted 855 days ago by Anthony

Like that weird rash, we’re back! Despite some technical difficulties (please excuse the audio quality on this one), we finally managed to push out this steaming hot podcast. We won’t say which movie we covered, but this episode is truly an audio “assault” on the “precinct” of your ears. Enjoy!

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Action Cast 96: Cobretti Bryant

Posted 954 days ago by Anthony

Boredom is a crime. Crime is a disease. Meet the cure.

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Action Cast 95: John McClane is the true detective

Posted 983 days ago by Anthony

McClaaaaaaaaaaane

Time is a flat circle jerk, and so we bring you a blast from our past! Want to know what the Action Cast was up to at the end of this past summer? We were watching the only good Die Hard sequel, that’s what! BONUS: hang in there for most of an episode about Expendables 3 at the end, too!

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Action Cast 93: John Henry was a butt driving man

Posted 1041 days ago by Anthony

Joe is out this week so we compensate by talking about butts. Also: a movie that may or may not have been described as “butt”.

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Action Cast 92: Like Pizza in the Rain

Posted 1067 days ago by Anthony

Look man I missed this one and Alex edited the episode so I can’t even tell you what it’s about. Nobody tells me nothin’

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Action Cast 90: Jaws' Animatronic Arm

Posted 1099 days ago by Anthony

zagnut

Our inadvertent summer break is over, so get ready for more Action Cast! To celebrate hanging out with our buddies, we cover the father of all buddy cop movies.

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Action Cast 89: Bryce's Angry Ghost

Posted 1159 days ago by Anthony

The rotted wood creaked beneath my feet as I ascended the stairs. Upon reaching the summit, an unusually damp air filled my lungs. My courage took flight, leaving me alone to contemplate the gruesome fate that await on the other side of that door. Steeling my nerves, I gripped the candelabra even tighter and forced myself to turn the knob. Swinging open, I gasped as my eyes fell upon The Action Cast, sensually making pottery with Marilyn Manson. “Join us,” they said, a wry smile spreading across their faces. “We made cherpumple.”

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Action Cast 88: Capcom's Dune

Posted 1196 days ago by Anthony

This week’s episode is short and to the point, the way movies with “The Raid” in the title should be! (Speaking of titles, this week’s is from after we stopped recording. Sorry!)

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Action Cast 87: Shart of Darkness

Posted 1213 days ago by Anthony

fuck Minnesota

Still excited, even though Wrestlemania has come and gone? We’ve got just the thing to cure the desire to watch a wrestler do…well, anything.

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Action Cast 86: Post-crash After-hit

Posted 1228 days ago by Anthony

The Action Cast comes out to plaaaaaaaaaaay. And, uh, also talk about The Warriors. Yeah.

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Action Cast 85: Simon Says Read

Posted 1248 days ago by Anthony

Sly Stallone is a guy. Snipes can go twice as high. Take a look. It’s in a book. An Action Cast episode.

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Action Cast 84: As it is Pronounced in the Original Spanish

Posted 1269 days ago by Anthony

Action Cast Action Buddy Andy Keener joins us once again to talk about…Torque. Yep. Incidentally, all of our other special guests bailed on us as fast and furiously as possible.

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Action Cast 82: Shut Up and Jam

Posted 1287 days ago by Anthony

We have an all out BATTLE ROYALE about this week’s movie. And by BATTLE ROYALE we mean a regular discussion. About Battle Royale. The movie.

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Action Cast 80: Candy Companion

Posted 1343 days ago by Anthony

“And when The Action Cast saw the breadth of their domain, they wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

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Action Cast 78: Helen Hunt is: Jackie Chan in: Scanners

Posted 1363 days ago by Anthony

The Core Four assemble to talk about Eric’s birthday pick for this year. Well, three of them do, anyway. Anthony may or may not have watched the wrong movie.

Click here to find out!

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Action Cast 76: Yet Another Halloween Special

Posted 1388 days ago by Anthony

He's a basket case. Get it.

Action Cast bros 4 life Bryce Wilson and Ethan Cheng return to help us celebrate the spookiest day of the year yet again. (No, not Flag Day.)

Click here to scare the bejeebus out of yourself!

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Action Cast 75: A Butthole to Remember

Posted 1392 days ago by Anthony

We’d like to take this moment to thank Triscuits™, this week’s sponsor, for making this very special episode of The Action Cast possible. Without Triscuits™‘s support, we would have never been able to bring in big talent like Paul Alvarez II™ to chat with us about awesome action movies like Punisher Warzone. Thanks, Triscuits™!

Click here to experience Batman Exxxtreme!

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I am the one who podcasts: a Breaking Bad spoilercast

Posted 1394 days ago by Anthony

Eric, Kurt, Anthony, and Alex are joined by Anthony’s better half, Abby, and erstwhile contributor Andy Keener to discuss Breaking Bad in its entirety. This episode is chock full of spoilers for the entire show, so steer clear until you’ve watched it!

Click here for some crystal blue persuasion!

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Action Cast 72: Alexander Fung Reo

Posted 1414 days ago by Anthony

This might be our best episode image yet

We continue our downward trend with even MORE time spent on 3 month old news and even LESS time on our movie of the week. But, we do our best to pour one out for the best hair in the business.

Click here to BATMAN MOTHERFUCKER!

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Action Cast 70: Ancient Greek Mickey Goldmill

Posted 1445 days ago by Anthony

It's all Greek to me!

We pick the most cliched choice for a belated Ray Harryhausen send off instead of picking the one with the rad skeleton fight. Oh well. R.I.P., big guy.

Click here to get kraken!

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Action Cast 68: The Corkscrew Vagina Monologues

Posted 1499 days ago by Anthony

My voice is feeling rather horse

Due to technical difficulties, we start even more, er, in media res than usual, but we nevertheless persevere to talk about True Lies.

Click here to find out if it’s weiners all the way down (it is)!

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Action Cast 66: Squid Brain

Posted 1529 days ago by Anthony

vaya con hotdogs

After our longest hiatus yet (weddings will do that), we’re back! And it’s time to talk about Point Break!

Click here to vaya con Dios!

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Action Cast 60: Taint-fu

Posted 1673 days ago by Anthony

Sorry if the audio is a bit fuzzy

We celebrate 60 episodes of us by entering the dragon.

Click here if you don’t want to miss the heavenly glory!

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Action Cast 58: Whip-related Activities, Including: Whipping

Posted 1704 days ago by Anthony

Special (unexpected) guest Nick Rycar joins us as we celebrate Joe’s birthday by, uh, watching an awful movie. Getting old sucks, huh?

Unused potential titles for this episode include:
Star Wars of the 80s
Psalm 21: And lo, dudes are gross
I know dudes because I am one
This movie is a land boat
Fuckin’ Mr. Strickland

Click here if you have the power!

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Action Cast 56: Xanadoz or Zardu?

Posted 1725 days ago by Anthony

Alex’s birthday was September 6, and we watched The Highlander to celebrate. Yes, this is coming out more than 2 months later. There’s a joke about The Quickening to be made, I’m sure.

Click here to join a book club for sad people!

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Action Cast 52: The Why Chromosome

Posted 1766 days ago by Anthony

Get it? Because Judge Dredd grimaces all the time?

Go see Dredd (2012). Stay away from Judge Dredd (1995). Also, uh, stay even further away from Muse’s latest single, I guess?

Click here if you’re THE LAW!

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Action Cast 50: Man is not the goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus we want, man is the goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus we deserve

Posted 1792 days ago by Anthony

Baby, you got a stew goin'

After a bit of a hiatus, The Action Cast is back to celebrate our 50th episode, because some damn fool accused us of being the best. (Others wouldn’t wish us on a broke-dick dog.) Either way, stick around, because if it bleeds, we can podcast about it.

Click here if you ain’t got time to read!

Links

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Action Cast 49b: Lost in Trainslation

Posted 1811 days ago by Anthony

There’s a reason this was cut, but the guy editing this likes trains and Bill Murray too much to let it die.

Click here to test whether you know your Dumbo Drop!

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Action Cast 49: A guy who thinks that's a ball-peen hammer WOULD say that

Posted 1822 days ago by Anthony

BORGFACE

This week, the crew grapples with the hobo code as we belatedly pour one out for Ernest Borgnine.

Click here to find out if a man is a train and if a train is a man!

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Action Cast 48b: The Dark Cornhole Rises

Posted 1837 days ago by Anthony

Who don't love cornholing?

This is the internet, and you need someone else to tell you how to feel about things. There’s a new Batman movie out, but fear not, we’ve got you covered.

Click here to talk about scary Batman!

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Action Cast 48: Reverse Turd

Posted 1846 days ago by Anthony

This is the podcast about Batmen you need, not the podcast about Batmen you deserve. (Sorry.)

Click here to set your time machine to Britain!

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Action Cast 47: Action Cast

Posted 1870 days ago by Anthony

The Earth has circled the Sun twice since we first cast some action, so we decided to take a break from our usual programming and ring in our Terrible Twos with something special.

Click here to wish us a happy birthday!

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Action Cast 45: There Are Birds

Posted 1885 days ago by Anthony

What if the 1950s happened in the 1980s? What if leather fisherman pants were all the rage? What if Joe pretended to be Alex? What if it Bryce leveraged his birthday to choose Streets of Fire as this week’s movie, in our best episode about rock ‘n’ roll fables ever?

Click here to think about The Lord Humongous going bananas!

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Action Cast 43c: Newsies

Posted 1895 days ago by Anthony

We surgically removed the news section from our Aliens cast, but it refused to die, and now it’s loose in the vents. Fire up your flamethrower and get ready for an Action Cast Action Movie Action Break!

Click here to be informed!

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Action Cast 43: Surprise Paul Reiser

Posted 1902 days ago by Anthony

Game over, man!

We’re excited about Prometheus’ imminent release, so to celebrate, we had the completely original idea of covering all of the Alien(s) movies. Yes, ALL of them, even the bad one(s).

Join us in our longest episode yet as we discuss xenomorphs, the space jockey, Bill Paxton, horror movies, rape goggles, robots, Bill Paxton, positive arsenic, douchebag college essays, the raddest movie ever, Bill Paxton, homosexual subtext by omission, tortured development history, Bill Paxton, toys, Firefly DNA, bad fanfiction, and the worst birthday ever.

Note: due to the length of the podcast, we surgically removed the opening news segment (mostly without killing the hosts). If the opening seems a bit disjointed, that’s why!

And hey, here’s a breakdown of when we talk about what:

0:00:00 – General comments / Prometheus (no spoilers, since we haven’t seen it!)
0:16:25 – Alien
1:00:18 – Aliens
1:39:55 – Alien 3
2:19:51 – Alien: Resurrection

Click here to imagine Bob Vila’s Death Star!

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Insert pun about JCVD movie plots here

Posted 1912 days ago by Anthony

I know, I know, a post that isn’t a new episode. I’m scared, too, but we can get through this. Just breathe.

To refresh your memory: on our last episode, Joe talked about how he viewed Sudden Death as the point that marked the waning of Jean-Claude’s illustrious career. We joked that the best way to see this trend would be to graph the amount of money each JCVD film made.

Long story short, at the risk of taking a joke too far, I whipped up a quick chart to see if this really was the case. BEHOLD:

He can do the splits

A few points of clarification on this. First, I drew the revenue data from Wikipedia, which in turn drew mostly from Box Office Mojo. If you’ve got a quibble with the numbers used, bring it up with them. Second, due to the lack of data on certain titles, I decided to stick with domestic, rather than worldwide revenue. I plotted what I had of worldwide data and the trend was exactly the same, though, so in the end it probably wouldn’t have mattered. Lastly, I plotted each movie’s budget on the same graph, but the trend was nearly identical and just cluttered things up, so I removed that and added some disembodied JCVD heads instead. I think I made the right call.

So what did we find? Against all odds, Joe was pretty much right on the money this time. After a steady climb that peaks at Timecop (of all movies) in 1994, Van Damme’s gross revenue per movie begins to plummet, with Sudden Death making less than half of what Timecop did only a year later. (Yes, Street Fighter also came out after Timecop and made less, but it was still one of JCVD’s biggest earners and was pretty heavily promoted. I’d personally classify it as his last big film, rather than the beginning of the end.) Of course, Sudden Death still made about $20 million, so it’s only a relative failure. I’d gladly accept $20 million. (This Action Cast gig doesn’t exactly put food on the table, you know.)

I should specifically mention JCVD (the film, not the guy.) That movie’s box office revenue in the U.S. was only $470,691 – but it had an extremely limited theatrical showing in the U.S. It’s probably not fair to compare it to the others, then, but I think it gives it some artsy cred by doing so.

There are also a few omissions, of course. Universal Soldier: The Return was Jean-Claude’s last film in theatres, but he released several direct-to-video movies after, which obviously weren’t included here. In fact, one of the biggest holes in the data are the home video sales, as this is just box office numbers. (I’d bet good money that Bloodsport and Kickboxer made significantly more money than some of these other films on the home market, for example, and speaking from personal experience, seeing those in syndication contributed more to my appreciation of Van Damme than anything else did.) Still, the idea was to use this as a proxy for fame, and I think it works pretty well in that regard. Shockingly well, even, given how volatile audiences can be.

So there you have it. One man’s life work, reduced to a single line graph. I’m actually a little surprised the the majority of his career took place within a single decade. It felt a lot longer than that. Show business is rough, I suppose. Maybe next time I’ll try to find a way to graph the ability to do the splits, to make him feel better.

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Action Cast 41: Hockey Nuggets

Posted 1923 days ago by Anthony

We take on JCVD’s Die Hard in a hockey stadium, Sudden Death, in honor of the Stanley Cup finals.

Click here to find out about the most powerful explosive known to man!

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Action Cast 38: A Tale of Spicy Adventure

Posted 1977 days ago by Anthony

This week, our heroes valiantly battle maidens and bed wizards to bring you the greatest treasure of them all: a chronicle chronicling the chronicle that is Conan the Barbarian! (And, uh, the Destroyer, too.)

Click here to solve the Riddle of Action Cast!

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Action Cast 36: Rape Cheese

Posted 1998 days ago by Anthony

Special guest Scott Lowe joins us once again to discuss dirt bikes, Game Gear, and who is and is not garbage.

Click here to do your own stunts!

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Action Cast 35: That's So Batman

Posted 2011 days ago by Anthony

Our schedule went a little Haywire (pause for laughter), so we bring you a double dose of Action Cast goodness: a 70’s, er, classic, and a brand spanking new movie hot off the presses. The…movie presses. Yeah.

Click here to listen to our hairiest podcast yet!

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Action Cast 31: Occasionally British

Posted 2078 days ago by Anthony

We’re altogether wooed by Hard Boiled. Do you see what I did there? On the Stick’s Kurt Adam and Things That Don’t Suck’s Bryce Wilson once again join us.

Links

Click here to save a baby!

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Action Cast 30: Shabby

Posted 2085 days ago by Anthony

Sonny Chiba’s The Street Fighter is on the chopping block this week, in what’s easily our least-shabby podcast to date.

Click here to make an awesome face!

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Action Cast 26: Shogun of Pleasanton

Posted 2143 days ago by Anthony

In this week’s episode, Alex makes love to The Last Dragon aurally. The rest of us chime in occasionally.

Click here to find your glow!

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Action Cast 24: The Doilynegger

Posted 2190 days ago by Anthony

Like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s schlong, we go all out this week to cover one of the biggest movies in the genre: The Terminator.

Links

Click here to find out if we’ll be back!

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Action Cast 22: Rat Testicle Grenade

Posted 2219 days ago by Anthony

There can only be one, and that one is The One. Too bad it’s a steaming pile.

Click here to get a podcast that’s great in ANY universe!

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Action Cast 21: LEGO Al Leong

Posted 2230 days ago by Anthony

Friend of the podcast Bryce Wilson joins us to hunt for nuggets of gold amongst the steaming piles that are video games based on action movies.

(And again, be sure to check out Bryce’s blog, Things That Don’t Suck .) (But of course, you’re already a subscriber because we told you to last time he was on, right? Well then, check out his excellent Son of Danse Macabre as well!)

Click here to get back in the game!

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Action Cast 20: A Degree in Ninjology

Posted 2241 days ago by Anthony

Behind every stone, on top of every tree, there is a ninja. We can’t save you, but we can podcast to make you feel better.

Click here to go ninja go ninja go!

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Action Cast 19: Die Hard in a Hurricane

Posted 2269 days ago by Anthony

Hang out as we discuss Cliffhanger in our most majestic podcast yet.

Click here to hear a great heating-related joke!

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Action Cast 18: Nutty Joe

Posted 2284 days ago by Anthony

In the post apocalypse, you’ll only need three things: assless chaps, a copy of the Road Warrior, and this podcast.

Click here for the King O Frod

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Action Cast 17b: Dedicated Cunt Button

Posted 2297 days ago by Anthony

Occasionally, we manage to crank out a pretty good podcast. This is not one of those times.

Click here for something near and dear to me strawberry tart!

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Action Cast 17: Crank

Posted 2299 days ago by Anthony

A very special birthday episode just for Anthony.

Click here to get some good advice!

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Action Cast 16: It's Often the Same

Posted 2307 days ago by Anthony

When watching 1980’s The Exterminator, you have to laugh to stay alive…On this podcast, it’s often the same.

Links

Click here to cook a hot dog with a lamp!

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Action Cast 15: Throat-chopped by Caterpillar

Posted 2316 days ago by Anthony

Like Liam Neeson, not even technical difficulties can stop us. Prepare for pure aural throat chopping with one of our baddest episodes yet as we discuss a movie near and dear to our hearts: Taken.

Links

Click here to hand France its ass!

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Action Cast 14: Brock Jizzler

Posted 2334 days ago by Anthony

As part of OntheStick.com’s Wrestlemania Week extravaganza, the Action Cast crew – plus friend of the podcast Ethan – talk about two wrestling classics: The Scorpion King, and No Holds Barred.

Links

Click here to find out what that smell is!

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Action Cast 13: Jesus Died for Die Hard 2: Edge of Reason

Posted 2356 days ago by Anthony

Five dudes, five elements. Can we make it any simpler? Though really, Alex’s love for The Fifth Element alone is more than five ordinary men, so that’s, like, 9, probably. Man, math sucks.

Click here to pop it, D-man!

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Action Cast 12: Ip Yam

Posted 2369 days ago by Anthony

As we discuss the Chinese epic Ip Man, The Yam Cast would like to remind you that we love all of Mother Earth’s peoples and any off-color remarks are for dramatic effect only.

Links

Click here to listen to us yammer on and on.

Action Cast 11b: A Dude Made of Dudes

Posted 2373 days ago by Anthony

You should listen to this while watching the January 27th post on todaysbigthing.com. You won’t regret it!

Click here to hear about dudes.

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Action Cast 11: Sexiest Man Alive

Posted 2380 days ago by Anthony

This week, we tackle The Mechanic – both the 1972 original AND the 2011 remake. We barely scratch the surface of Anthony’s man-crush on Jason Statham, and eventually a real discussion emerges.

Also, check out this kickass mural Joe talks about:

(Special thanks to The Fleshies for the use of their song, “Sexiest Man Alive”. Not that they’ll ever hear this episode or read this, but hey, thanks anyway!)

Click here to be a mechanic. Twice.

Action Cast 10b: This Was Recorded 2 Weeks ago and He Still Hasn't Seen It

Posted 2387 days ago by Anthony

The exciting conclusion to last week’s episode, wherein Simon/Andy/whatever promises to see The Thing the very next day.


Two weeks later, and he still hasn’t.


Links

Click here to be thoroughly disappointed in somebody.

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Action Cast 10: Sock Full of Doorknobs

Posted 2394 days ago by Anthony

Kurt Adam from our sister podcast and friend of the podcast Bryce Wilson join us to talk about how the biggest trouble can be found in even the littlest China.

(Oh, and be sure to check out Bryce’s blog, Things That Don’t Suck . If you thought he put us to shame on this podcast, wait until you see his writing.)

Click here to find out what ol’ Jack Burton says.

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Action Cast 9b: Bitches Run Wild On You

Posted 2397 days ago by Anthony

Only two words can describe this: I’m sorry.

Click here to, uh, listen to something.

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Action Cast 9: Always Bet on Black

Posted 2414 days ago by Anthony

A smaller than usual cast talks Passenger 57, in honor of Wesley Snipes beginning his jail term.

Click here to get off my plane!

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Action Cast 8: The Hard

Posted 2430 days ago by Anthony

There aren’t any good Hanukkah action movies, so we shoot the shit about the best Christmas one: Die Hard. Also present: technical difficulties, John Cena, more deep voices, and the hired help. Yippee ki-yay, motherfuckers.

Links

Click here to be welcomed to the party, pal!

Read on... ·

Action Cast 7: Robot Cop Killer

Posted 2439 days ago by Anthony

Special guest Ethan joins us to talk about some robot cops. There’s also the usual digressions about wrestling, and at 22:26 Andy makes a wonderful pun that nobody noticed while we were recording. Turns out that guy isn’t so bad after all.

Links

Click here to hear something you’d buy for a dollar!

Read on... · Comment

Action Cast 6: Def Touch

Posted 2464 days ago by Anthony

After a bit of a hiatus, we’re back to talk about one of the best movies about a secret underground international fighting tournament. We can also do the splits.

Links

Click here to bite a gold tooth!

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Action Cast 4b: If it bleeds, we can kill it

Posted 2511 days ago by Anthony

Random asides tied together by Predator music. Sounds…a lot like most other episodes, actually.

Click here to be confused!

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Action Cast 4: A Crackdown

Posted 2521 days ago by Anthony

To make up for last week, we present a slightly extended episode celebrating Michael Dudikoff’s magnum opus, American Ninja. We highly recommend you watch the movie alongside the podcast, MST3k-style. Also included: our first celebrity phone call!

Click here to listen!

Read on... ·

Action Cast 3: Partial Recall

Posted 2528 days ago by Anthony

So…we kind of had a massive error and, well…sorry to say it, but most of Action Cast 3 was deleted forever. We salvaged SOME of it, though, and 18 minutes of a Total Recall cast is probably better than 60 minutes about most other movies. Don’t worry, we’ll probably get our asses to Mars again some day.

Click here to listen!

And since you, dear reader, were deprived of some Total Recall goodness, I’ll link to two images that are rad and everyone should see: Total Recall Santa and this sweet fan movie poster for the movie.

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Action Cast 2b: Girl-On-Girl Action

Posted 2535 days ago by Anthony

Hey, just because this is an every-other-week(ish) podcast doesn’t mean we can’t give you a small sampling in between episodes. Besides, we can call them b-sides and sound like douchebags, which makes us cooler than you.

Anyway, this one is about girls in action movies. Mostly.

Click here to listen!

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Action Cast! 1b: Sadcast

Posted 2543 days ago by Anthony

Same as below – this is going up so all of our ‘casts are in one place. Witness the birth of the b-sides! Gasp as you listen to just how lame a podcast can be! Breathe a sigh of relief when you realize it’s only 7 minutes long!

Click here to think about death and feel sad and stuff!

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Action Cast! One

Posted 2543 days ago by Anthony

A quick bit of house cleaning here – putting this up so ALL of our episodes show up in our current feed (i.e. “Action Cast and Action Cast 1b were under the Cast at Demonhead / On the Stick name”). You know, for posterity’s sake.

Uh, if you somehow found us after we moved here, then please enjoy our humble beginnings!

Click here for a ‘cast from the past!

Sup bitches?

Posted 2543 days ago by Anthony

Per the Admin’s request:

Archive

Posted 2748 days ago by Anthony

So hey, giving each ‘cast a dumb name is funny and all, but here’s a list of the movies we’ve covered just in case:

And if you’re in the mood for something REALLY dumb, here are the b-sides we’ve done, too:

TO ACTION!

Action Cast is a podcast about jumping away from explosions in slow motion.

Click here to see all the movies we've talked about.

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